Creepcake
“WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP.”
Asmodeus was a very large man, lying on two sofas stacked at an L shaped incline to support his back, both of his enormous bat wings spilling over to the floor on each side like a blanket. A television was buzzing about beside him, blaring the early morning news as a momentary distraction in between commercials.
There was an unexpected addition to his apartment today.
“WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!”
A small redheadded young woman with a giant, drill shaped pony tail and a big bow was slamming her fists in his stomach, a trophy case of abs promoting the results of a low carb diet and exercise.
He could not recall bringing any guests last night, or failing to pay the rent on time. Not this month, anyway. Asmodeus rolled towards the couches to cover his hardly delicate stomach, hopeful that the wee (teenaged) tot would settle down.
“Muntenhan!” declared another voice, a light spray of water felt on Asmodeus’ face.
A giant beam of light filled the apartment from outside, not the warm radiance of the sun, but the light blue hues of an evening ending with the sudden appearance of a full moon. Asmodeus lifted his bleary eyes to take in the scene around his apartment, as he sat up with a loud yawn.
The redhead was joined by a similarly sized young lady in a blue maid headdress, charcoal hair in a bob cut, holding something behind their backs at the foot of the couch.
“What brings you to my abode, young ones?” Asmodeus was donning Nike-branded sweatpants as his assailants were in sweaters and skirts. They could have been students of his, though he didn’t recognize either one of them.
The girl in the blue headdress dramatically lifted the hidden object into view, a preposterously large heart-shaped box containing a note, which Asmodeus proceeded to read out loud.
“With love from Gally and Michelle?”
“CHOCOLATES! Hand made!” screamed the red head.
“Undoubtedly authentic honmei chocolate.” affirmed the lady with the headdress. “For Harajuku High’s beloved gym teacher.”
Asmodeus scratched his chin, thinking how he could have gotten into this situation. “Have we even met?”
“No, but we’ve been watching you.” smirked the lady with the headdress. “I’m Gally, she’s Michelle.”
“HI!” Michelle waved both hands with enthusiasm, appreciating this tiny moment in the spotlight.
“And we know everything there is to know about you.”
“Everything…?” inquired Asmodeus.
“Yeah, your debts with Mammon, your secret crushes on your students Kyoko Itouchi and Elegy Kai…” Gally twirled her hair as she savored the moment.
“Enough!” Asmodeus got straight up on his feet without a second to spare, wings spread out and table flipped over, smashing the TV on landing. “I trained Kyoko and Elegy to be the star players of Harajuku High. There is no chance that I’d ever get romantically involved with my students.”
“How about us, then?” Gally smiled wide with all her shark teeth on display. “Look, we’re nice. We’re being nice to you.” She motioned with her hand over the hand made chocolate, made in the shapes of hearts, crescent moons, and cartoonish apparitions that vaguely resembled their own faces, as Michelle nodded gingerly. “Why not cut class and spend the day with two beautiful girls instead?”
“FILLES!” shouted a familiar voice from the direction of the spare room. “Get over yourselves and get outta here.”
“…Elegy?” chirped Asmodeus.
“Yeah, ‘Elegy’.” scoffed the violent queen in the Saint Laurent Rive Gauche jacket and black and white tiger striped leggings from the spare room. “You know better than to keep your windows unlocked. Never know what foul things might come in.”
“On the eighth floor of a converted office building?”
“Says a man who can fly.” Elegy gave her former mentor and companion a hard stare, even if he wasn’t the major source of trouble.
“Don’t blame us! We’re just having fun.” Gally condescended.
“HE’S HUGE!” remarked Michelle. “And REALLY hunky!”
Asmodeus took a seat back at the couch with Michelle excitedly plopping herself down beside him, Gally latching onto his arm on the other side, paying no mind that they were clearly in trouble with Elegy.
As Elegy was turning colors, Asmodeus quickly worked out a compromise. “I wouldn’t mind having breakfast before classes start, if that puts your hearts at ease.”
“Let’s eat out, on your tab.” Gally decreed.
“Mister Donut it is.” Asmodeus demanded for cost efficiency. “Try not to kill yourselves with the sugar, salt and fat.”
“We’ll see.” Elegy muttered, sweeping up both of the homunculus girls in headlocks and marching outside in a huff before they could struggle.
Asmodeus’ vehicle of choice was a grey 1987 Toyota 4runner Turbo with white highlights and a maroon interior. Though a 4runner normally seats four adults, adjustments had to be made to properly seat its owner such that the driver side seat was extended all the way to the back, leaving the remaining back seat with space for two children and a passenger side seat for one adult.
With some negotiation, Elegy was seated in the front passenger side seat with Michelle closest to Asmodeus in the back and Gally at the window, as Elegy strongly suggested.
At 5:30 in the morning, the streets of Shinjuku were quiet enough that the four, packed like sardines in the 4runner, didn’t have too much trouble with conversation.
“I’ve got Crossfit at Chikara Fitness which starts at six in the morning.” proclaimed Asmodeus. “Breakfast will have to be quick.”
“I eat FAST.” declared wide-eyed Michelle with a smile of piranha teeth. “Breakfast won’t see it coming!”
“Then do try to savior the surplus of calories.” snapped Asmodeus.
“Don’t worry about them, Asmodeus.” reassured Elegy. “Only Takajou can exceed their metabolism.”
Asmodeus’ eyes remained locked on the road ahead. “Then let it be known that I only plan to spend no more than two thousand yen for the upkeep of each lady.”
“Charmed.” mocked Gally, looking into Elegy’s eyes from the rear view mirror. “Your boyfriend sure seems thrifty.”
“He’s not my boyfriend, Gally.” grumbled Elegy, as Gally listened intently. “I suppose he’s… Asmodeus? You’re like...”
“Like Setsuna?” prodded Gally.
Elegy audibly grumbled at Gally’s rebellious phase. “Setsuna is my brother. Asmodeus is the father I wish I had.”
Michelle’s big smile faded just then, as Gally looked ready to hit back with a snappy response, then looked out the window, then at the floor. The truck was very quiet for a minute.
“Lucifer hasn’t responded to your letters?” inquired Asmodeus.
“Dad is as quiet as a dormouse and about as god damned useful as one.”
Michelle and Gally started whispering to each other very quietly with a tone of confusion in their voices. Asmodeus remained focused on the road as they neared their stop.
“Let’s raise the budget to three thousand yen. Be wise about your spending.”
The four got out of the 4runner in orderly manner, Elegy first, with the homunculus twins following Asmodeus’ lead. Before entering the store, Elegy pulled a moderately sized heart-shaped container from her purse.
“Giri-choco for you, Asmodeus.” She gently put the chocolates in Asmodeus’ hands. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
“…Thank you, Miss Elegy.” Asmodeus bowed in solemn gratitude.
“They might taste like energy bars. I figured you’d like something that was closer to a Clif bar than Godiva.”
“Oh, magnificent. I can count calories with these.” Asmodeus smiled for the first time that day. The homunculus twins joined in with their own mischievous smiles.
Mister Donut wasn’t normally open before eight in the morning, but they had a special set of hours for creatures of the night to mosey in and enjoy trendy eats without spooking the more human customers.
Elegy ordered the gold sesame dumpling noodles, a dish that was not necessarily healthy but not as terrible as the pastry-adjacent options at the store. Asmodeus had the seafood vegetable dim sum noodles. Gally had the sausage and egg breakfast pie while Michelle ordered twenty-one Pon de Ring donuts.
Asmodeus gave a tremendous sigh upon hearing Michelle’s order. “Do you have any idea how much sugar and fat your are subjecting your tiny body to?”
“I am only SEVENTY FOUR DONUTS away from my very own KING-SIZED Pon de Lion!” Michelle flashed her Mister Donut rewards card. “He’s SO cute!”
“To give your body a fighting chance at a long, healthy life after that pointless punishment, I command you to drop and give me a hundred burpees. Starting now.”
Michelle gingerly powered through twenty pushups and jumps in a blink of an eye, before noticeably reducing her enthusiasm by the thirtieth burpee, then slowing the tempo down substantially every ten intervals before she was effectively laying flat on the ground and wearily standing before giving a thrusting motion that definitely would not be legally recognized as a jump in a hundred and fifty countries.
“I’M DEAD.” declared Michelle, before she could eat a single donut.
“I suppose we can all see how Elegy got to be as magnificently shapely as she is today.” flattered Gally. Elegy lightly smiled, not yet in the mood to forgive her for the stunt in Asmodeus' apartment.
The four sat at the window with Asmodeus at the wall, Elegy directly next to him, then Michelle and Gally.
“I didn’t know you had a thing for Kyoko.” remarked Elegy, jabbing Asmodeus’ side with her spoon. Gally’s grin widened.
“I don’t have a thing for Kyoko. She’s a very talented volleyball player, and she’s the rising star of her class.”
Elegy smirked. “Is it a coincidence that she has long, curly blue hair and commands fire?”
“Don’t pick fights with her.” ordered Asmodeus. “We don’t need another Karen situation at the school.”
“Oh, I don’t hate her. Pas du tout. I only think you have a type.”
Asmodeus shivered a bit at the phrasing as Gally leaned in from her seat, a predator staring down its prey. Michelle miraculously regained her appetite with a wide grin.
“Just a theory.” Elegy lightly kicked Asmodeus in his shin while gently enjoying spoonfuls of her noodle dish.
“I wish my ‘dad’ was as cool as you.” Gally blinked her eye lashes while staring down Asmodeus, Michelle inhaling donuts in between as Elegy was giving a side eye.
“Pray tell, who might that be?” inquired Asmodeus.
“Oh it’s Nagahisa. I think he’s got a problem with being around MEN because he’s so damn insecure about his own manhood.”
“Be nice to Nagahisa, Gally.” warned Elegy, unconditionally.
“Then why’d he make a bunch of girls when he wanted to clone his dad?“
“Isn’t that all that Paracelsus could make?” inquired Elegy.
“Go ask Paracelsus! Nagahisa had a ‘gender’ option, but decided for SOME reason that had to be set to GIRL.” condesended Gally. “Maybe he thought we’d be nicer.” Elegy snorted back a laugh, covering her face with both hands before Gally could see.
“Let’s move on from Nagahisa, Gally.” instructed Elegy.
“I’ve got to go now.” announced Asmodeus. “Would any of you ladies want a ride back to the Kai residence?”
“It wouldn’t hurt.” acknowledged Elegy.
Michelle leaned forward and gulped down the rest of her donuts in a single motion of her mouth. The remaining three cleaned up their tables like normal people.
Gally leaned over to Elegy’s ear with a whisper, still not done playing devil’s advocate. “Are you looking forward to getting back to snuggling with Setsuna?”
“There is nothing wrong with snuggling with my gay brother, Gally.” retorted Elegy, in a very harsh whisper. “Go find yourself some muscle that doesn’t belong to me, impur.”
“Someday, m’lady.” Gally curtsied. “Someday, I will. Muntenhan!”
With a feeling of a tide’s energy spreading through the four of them, the full moon was instantly consumed by a new moon. The streets fell dark, and the homunculus twins vanished into the dawn.